


Let Me Help You With That

by gayporn



Series: Weird Kinks Trademark [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Harry, M/M, PWP without Porn, Phone Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Smut, Submissive Harry, Top Louis, cucumber kink, well kind of you'll see what I mean by that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-05-13 02:18:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5690863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayporn/pseuds/gayporn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Jesus Harry.”</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>“It was cold and bumpy and thick. Louis, fuck, it was thick and hard-”</i><br/><i>Louis sighed and he could feel his jeans getting tighter for the love of God, “Harry-”</i><br/><i>“The moment I felt it inside I felt so opened and full and, fuck, it was cold, so cold that I felt my insides burning and fuck, but Louis, Louis could you please do me a favor? I beg you.” Harry whispered against Louis’ lips with little pleas as Louis asked, “What is it?”</i></p><p>  <i>“Please, just, fuck me with a cucumber. Please.”</i></p><p>or</p><p>Harry likes to get fucked up the ass with a cucumber.<br/><br/><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Help You With That

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I hate myself

If there was one thing anyone should know it was that a young ripe adult of the age 21, also known as Harry Styles, was desperate and incredibly damn horny. However, to his luck, he couldn't do much other than jack off to the sounds of his own moans echoed around in the deaths of his bathroom as he took a shower. It pissed him off and he wanted something, something more.

 

Now, his life was simple, but incredibly complicated. He was single, gay, and lonely which were the worst characteristics to have in some small populated university where people knew each other and if you were rejected, you're rejected by all.

 

Unfortunately, that's how it was for Harry. He’s single, but trying to get that to stop was close to impossible and this had obviously resulted in Harry having constant sexual frustrations and incredible cranky moods. The only person he probably could tell all this to was Louis Tomlinson, a complete opposite of him yet Harry’s best friend. The guy was kind hearted, though, and hanged out with Harry whenever he wanted to and that's something he would be forever grateful for.

 

Now, though, with history aside, the big problem here was Harry not having anything to express his sexual needs on. Of course, he’s 21 and could get some guy to fuck him to next week, but what's the fun in that? Plus, Harry hated the concept of one night stands. He wants someone that'll keep a cock up his ass until he cries and continues to do so.

 

So what would that leave? Masturbation obviously.

 

However, Harry was getting sick of using his damn hand to jerk and pull his cock, then watch it sprinkle like a milkshake machine across his shower walls. He was absolutely bored of it and instead he wanted this incredible feeling of being full, of something that could easily suffocate his breaths into his chest as he pants, breaking into moans as something pulsates real well all while breaching his prostate perfectly.

 

Yeah, he could get a dildo, but would it be safe? Absolutely not. Their campus has the student body take weekly run through of all of the dorms to check for anything suspicious and a dildo would definitely be something suspicious.

 

Then what could he do? Funny thing is, he finds his answer while he’s at a grocery store.

 

❤️

 

“Where the hell are the eggs?” Harry groaned.

 

With a blue basket scattered with little holes hung by Harry’s wrist, the man had gone out to buy and restock vegetables back for his dorm room. He’s not much of a junk food eater and made sure to make preparations for his own meals, double checked the ingredients and calories before preparing them. Harry’s a picky little bitch and with the added pressure of being sexually deprived, his attitude turned for the worst.

“Fuck. It’s all the way on the other side.” He muttered and stared at the long halls of foods and grocery shoppers shopping as they clashed their carts or baskets, “Everything just has to be really fucking hard to reach, just like my damn orgasm.” The edge of his eyebrow twitched and his eyes were bloodshot, he was just really mad about his situation and it sucked because it seems as though the world were secretly laughing about it.

 

Harry continued to grit his teeth as he tugged at his large, soft, grey jumper and twitched in his tight black jeans all while walking like some deranged drug addict. His lips were sucked in between his teeth, biting on them as his mind circulated on what he needed to buy.

 

“Got the damn eggs, now what?” Harry asked himself and looked back towards the vegetables section, “Oh yeah, veggies.”

 

The clock ticked on the little pale strapped watch that curled around his dainty wrist and he was slowly losing his sanity, patience, and integrity. He had to get home and make sure to eat something, maybe jack of to some cheap gay pornos, and then cry in the depths of his white sheeted bed because he didn’t really get much of a high from all of that.

 

His hands worked as they gripped on each form of vegetable on the rack, stuffed them into the basket all the way to the brink. That’s when his little lost head began to question things again. Harry started to contemplate into his deep thoughts, or as some would say he was complaining like a whiny little bitch, “Why, why can’t I god damn get off to anything.” Harry muttered and stopped putting things into his basket and instead held on to whatever he had in between his hands, squeezing his frustrations onto it, “Like nothing’s working and I can't get a damn dildo because of how stupid the school is.” His hands gripped even tighter upon the vegetable he was holding, teeth gritted, eyebrows furrowed, and lips tight, “Fuck everything- wait.”

 

His eyes widened as his tight grip upon the vegetable he was holding began to cause the item to slowly seep out cool liquids. Jesus Christ, he practically juiced the thing. That’s when his jaw dropped and eyes widened, he looked back down upon the vegetable he was holding. It was a cucumber, a very long cucumber indeed.

 

“Shit.” He muttered to himself. The heat of his palm consumed the cool brush of cucumber water that was squeezed out from the item. The poor vegetable suffered from Harry’s frustration, but it remained hard enough to continue to grip and grab, “Oh shit.”

 

 _Wait_.

 

His hands began to analyze the texture, the sensation of the long cucumber when his eyes were twinkling as though he was struck with some strong, philosophical, life changing idea.

 

Harry could use a cucumber as a sex toy, a fucking cucumber.

 

“Oh God,” Harry grimaced at the thought.

 

Was he really that desperate? Was he? Here Harry was taking a peaceful stroll to pick up some ingredients and suddenly he was devoured with the idea of sticking this so called edible item up his damn ass. So, was Harry really considering this?

 

He was. No, he is.

 

He gasped, almost forgot he was in the middle of a fucking super market as his hands dropped the brutalized cucumber and looked upon the racks of hundreds of others.

 

“Harry.” He whispered to himself, “Harry, no. Am I really going to think sexually over a cucumber?”

 

To answer his own question, his hands dove into the mess, grappling every cucumber he could fucking find. His nimble fingers would wrap around each one, squeeze for the hardest, longest, and juiciest he could find.

His breaths were scorching high as he searched, searched for the biggest size there was until-

 

“Yes, fuck yes.” Harry sighed. His hand was deep, far deep into the black section dedicated to cucumbers and his hand gripped tight around the substance, slowly pulling it out, “Fuck.”

 

He looked at it, rose it to eye level and scanned it. His fingers gripped and God was it hard. He had a good hold as his thumb played at the side and fuck were the edges bumpy and tough, perfect enough to raise goosebumps over his skin all while breaching every sector of Harry’s inner self. The man couldn't help, but lick his own lips as he noticed how damn long it was compared to the others and the things he could do with it was just fucking-

 

“Hey, kid. You good there? When will you move out of the damn way so I could do some shopping, eh?”

 

Harry lurched from his dream like stance and turned to see a cranky old man with an empty basket at hand, “O-Oh.” Fuck, his voice was a little messy and wrecked. Did the thought of a cucumber up his ass rile him up that much, “I-I- I’m sorry, sir. I was just-” he turns around and made sure to dump the largest one he had including some others close to the size with varied hardness for future uses, “I’m just about done.”

 

“You sure there?” The old man asked, eyes narrowed.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m just- I’ll get going now.” Harry replies and with an erie dry chuckle, Harry made his way and made sure to grab anything else before finally checking out to head back home.

 

❤️

 

“I’m mental.” Harry whined, “I am fucking mental.”

 

He had to be. He was absolutely insane. Harry was home now, groceries forgotten and tossed aside, but for the bag of cucumbers sitting right across from him in his desk while he sat on a chair, just staring at it. His mind was overflowed, dosed with surprise and self humiliation because Harry spent a good ten minutes of his life at a supermarket thinking about how good a vegetable would feel inside of his-

 

“I am fucking crazy!” He laughs to himself, “Oh my fucking-”

 

However, he didn't finish as he felt his skin that became laced with goosebumps and shivers of a desperate need for some kind of pleasure.

 

Before he could even tell, even comprehend what he was doing, Harry found himself digging through the bag to grip upon his most favorite cucumber he had found today, pulling it out as he sighed, “Well, since I can't own my own dildo this’ll have to do.”

 

Now, the thing is, there's a high chance Harry will commit the deed and then feel regret and never do it again, but in order to savor the upcoming horrendous task he needs something where he could replay it and look back at how foul he is, but so damn fucking needy.

 

And he had the perfect way to handle this.

 

❤️

 

It’s already evening and after completing a few loose assignments and calling a few friends, Harry was back in the depth of his room where he locked the doors and curled himself into his bed, pondering.

 

The cucumber, the largest of them all, just sat there on his nightstand, beckoning him to take the risk and just lose himself. However, every time Harry thought about it, he felt worse, and even worse about what his mind was commanding him to do.

 

He closed his eyes a bit, tried to regain himself and maybe due to sleep deprivation Harry was behaving like a mentally deranged idiot. But, fuck. His hand shot out from the side of himself to grab the cucumber and he laid flat on his back, staring at it.

 

“Am I really that desperate?” Harry asked himself, which may have been the 100th time that day, “I fucking am.”

 

His legs curled, his cock twitched because he was so damn needy. His skin was soft, consumed by the thirst from something big that could reach the areas where his fingers could not, his heart thumped to the naughty and dirty idea of sticking something so innocent used for eating right up his damn ass.

 

It's ridiculous, yet so hot. Harry couldn't help, but think how the cool, long stretch would get him going. How the squeeze of his body on it would lead to having a sensational burn of those bumps touching into his walls and the little stubby stem would perfectly press that inner button that drives him wild.

 

“Fuck it.”

 

❤️

 

With the iPhone sitting at the edge of Harry’s bed on its side with the video option open, Harry had gotten to work. The dorm area was quiet and he was all alone, which was absolutely perfect and if he could do what he was about to do without leaving a trace of evidence of it, he knows he’ll be fulfilled and of course saving that moment of pleasure into his iPhone, just for himself.

 

On his knees, in the middle of the bed he pulled on the hem of his shirt, brushed his finger against the curvature where the seams met and sighed. Harry should not, definitely not take 30 minutes of his life trying to record himself getting stimulated by a vegetable, but he was. There really wasn't anything else to do because all of his work had been completed and no one should drop by to check up on him. He was alone, well he’s always alone, but this time it was different.

 

Way different.

 

“Well, here goes nothing.” Harry sighed and maybe his cheeks were already starting to heat up rosy red in embarrassment because he was literally going to fuck himself with a vegetable, lord knows if he’ll eat those things again.

 

With the tip of his soft index finger, he reaches over a bit with his back curved up to press on the red record button and with the little sound of a ‘ding’ he pushed pack and started to strip. Harry’s fingers slipped in and under the jumper to pull it up and sputter as he fixed his hair, the thing now tossed to the floor. Below he had on a pale pink, button up shirt that matched the pretty skin tone he had on his cheeks at the very moment, with shaky fingers he began to slip out the little brown buttons; one by one. He let the shirt stay on, feeling slightly self conscious to the idea of being completely nude and allowed the top to just hug his shoulders while leaving his chest and tummy exposed. His pants and boxers though were tossed away to who knows where and he lied there naked, but for the pale pink top that pooled his back and shoulders.

 

Okay, maybe Harry decided to flaunt at the camera a bit like those shy french girls and pursed his lips as though he were a popular camboy. God, was he embarrassing.

 

But, he is who he is.

 

He looked back at the night stand to see the large vegetable just sitting there and made a reach for it, his stomach stretched and legs beautifully long when in view of the iPhone camera. It was like art, pretty much especially with the beauty of his tattoos on perfect display.

 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

 

♥

 

“F-Fuck.” Harry yelped out a strong, vocal cry as he felt the tip of the cucumber slide in. It took quite a while and a couple fingers to have Harry ready, but his heart beat spiked once he felt the cool tip take toll into his entrance. His cheeks were on fire at this point, his eyebrows scrunched, lips sucked in, and breaths already broken and quick.

 

The iPhone laid there, capturing every second of his little endeavor. After this, who knows what he’ll do with the video, but it’s far from innocent for sure. His fingers were tight upon the edible item, but it was slick and slippery from the condensed cool water along with the lube that’s been rubbed all over it.

 

It was cold for sure since it was recently picked up from the cool shelves of the market and it was large. The moment he felt his hole start to suck in the vegetable, increasing in diameter to fit the damn thing, his voice cracked and maybe the sensation was a bit too much for him to handle because his mouth was becoming slick with saliva, really slick.

 

“Oh my God.” He cried out to himself, completely forgot that he was recording himself for a bit, “D-Definitely bigger than fingers, jesus- oh fuck.” He shot his head up, pale neck revealed to the open air filled with goosebumps as he pushed it in even harder and as well as trying to sit on it. Every little push was served with bumpy ridges since the cucumber wasn’t really perfectly flat all around. They were like buttons, massaging his insides and fuck, fuck it was turning Harry into a pile of mush. Every push had his jaw drop, head low, curls sweaty and messy over his cheeks, the heat of his skin rising and rising. To make things a bit easier, he got on his knees with one hand up on the cucumber while the other was flat on the bed for balance. Immediately, his long fingers curled into the white bedding, knuckles went white as he panted and broke while shoving the large vegetable in deeper. Soon, he felt his body alleviate to the stretch, adjusted now to make it easier for him to slowly slip out and slip in.

 

It was weird, definitely weird, but he could fucking care less because it felt so fucking good to have something that wasn’t just a few centimeters, but inches wide being shoved right up where he could hardly reach. Harry clenched and unlike his fingers where he’d practically crush them, this time it was harder, forcing his entrance to stay apart and remain apart all while getting drilled in by a vegetable.

 

“Oh, oh yeah, fuck-” He laughed a bit and maybe he really was insane, but the deeper it went the better he fucking felt, “that’s it. Yes. YES.” Harry’s eyes were shut and he let out wrecked giggled along side with cracked yelps and moans, he was definitely losing himself to the sensation and was living the dream.

 

The bed creaked from his boisterous movements and his fingers continued to clench and unclench over the bed sheets and the cucumber. He was so close and every push made that edge come closer, even closer and he was almost there-

 

_He likes boys, finally now it's all making sense_

_He likes boys, I like this guy but his on the fence_

_He likes boys, I can't believe this happened again_

_He likes boys ooh oh oh boys ooh oh oh_

 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Harry moaned out in annoyance and the drive just died when he looked back at his phone to see it ringing and there comes the obnoxiously annoying, but hot best friend of his appear on his screen, Louis Tomlinson, “Fucking-”

 

He let’s go of the vegetable and tried to pull it out but his entrance was sealed tight over it and Louis continued to call him, fuck, what was he going to do?

 

“Uh, h-hello?” Of course, Harry would answer it and of course his voice would be choked up and cracked, and yes Harry is an idiot.

 

Harry stood up on his knees as he spoke into the phone and forgot that he had recorded himself all this time, which was now stopped and sitting there in his camera roll.

 

“Harry!” Louis cheered, “How you doing?”

 

God, if Harry wasn’t naked and a mess he would have gone through the phone and beat the fuck out of Louis for interrupting him, “Why did you call.”

“Cranky, eh?” Louis chuckled, “No hi?”

 

“What do you want.” Harry gritted out. He stood on his knees, a sweaty mess as he spoke into the phone and probably rolled his eyes four times already to Louis’ voice, “I’m really damn busy and you called at the- holy fuck-”

 

“Harry?” Louis asked, “You okay?”

 

No, no, fuck, he was not. He dropped back down with bum back on the bed and he had forgotten he was standing on his knees with the fucking vegetable up his ass and as soon as he made contact with the bed, he felt the entire cucumber drive back right in without warning.

 

“O-Oh my God.” Harry breathed out and forgot Louis was on the damn phone for a second, broke out a long wail with phone dropped to the side, “S-Shit, shit, shit, fuck-”

 

“Harry?! Harry!”

 

The little voice from his phone was still there, but Harry was laid back on his flat breathing heavily, with chest rising and falling at the speed of light. He spread his legs apart immediately and tried to grab for the cucumber that barely stuck out from his asshole.

 

“Harry?”

Harry tried to grab for the phone again while pulling out as much of the cucumber he could while trying to stay quiet and it was driving him nuts. In a way, it turned him on because Louis was there right on the other side of the phone trying to talk to him not sure of anything , but for the cry that left Harry’s lips and a bit of shuffling. Who knows what Louis’ thinking, but it’s definitely not about Harry getting his ass fucked by a large, thick, hard vegetable.

 

“U-Uh, hello?” Harry sighed, and sucked in a strong breath as the pain and pleasure seared through his lower side, “W-What did you want?”

 

“Did you die?” Louis asked, “You literally screamed-”

 

“Louis, I’m fucking fine. What did you want.” He choked out and squirmed a little with lips shut tight, trying to hold in his little whimpers as much as he could because fuck would it be embarrassing to have your friend know you’re masturbating, let alone while using a cucumber.

 

“Christ, you’ve got your knickers in a twist. I called because remember you took videos of our English lecture? Do you think you could send me those?” Louis asked.

 

“This is why you should actually try to pay attention to class, Tomlinson.”

 

“Harry, please? You know that’ll never happen. Send me all the videos. Please?” Louis pleaded, “I’ll leave you alone.”

 

“You’re going to ask me for the other videos for tomorrow’s lecture, I know it.”

 

“I’ll leave you alone until tomorrow, happy now? Now send me the videos, waiting on you! Bye!”  Then just like that before Harry could protest, the phone line went dead.

 

“Like I said before.” Harry muttered to himself, “No matter fucking what, my orgasm’s always hard to reach!” His irritation went higher, that when he scavenged his phone to attach all the videos, he ended up attaching all of them into the email.

 

All of them.

 

Harry didn’t notice, look, or check because he was pissed the fuck off that Louis would interrupt his moment of truth for some stupid lecture videos that he did not register the fact that he send Louis the clip he had before the other called, attached to the email as well.

 

“There.” Harry huffed then threw his phone off the bed, “Fucking jack off to those lecture videos, Tomlinson. Now, where was I.”

 

♥

 

Louis sighed in relief when the notification of a newly received email popped up on his phone from Harry. Looks like he pulled through even with that attitude, now he could actually try to prepare for his course work.

 

“Thank God he sent all of them. Wait.” His eyes looked at the list of videos with little thumbnails of their teacher positioned differently on each one.

 

However, one of them looked completely different from the rest. The one that was at the end had a thumbnail, but was instead showing pale bedsheets and… “is that Harry? Looks like he took a video of himself by mistake.” He laughed.

 

Yeah, a mistake.

 

He decided to push his books to the side and went to his bed, tucking himself into the covers with a smile. It’s probably a three second video about something stupid or a clear capture of him looking cute and angry that Louis called, but as he enlarged the video his eyes widened a little to see the video was minutes long not just seconds.

 

“What in the-” he pressed play and barely the scene unfolds before his eardrums are swallowed by a loud, soft, high pitched moan. It started deep, but it trailed octaves higher, “Holy fuck-”

 

Louis flinched, gasped as he lowered the volume down on his phone, scared someone else would've thought he was low key jacking off to porn.

 

“What the fuck was that.” Louis choked out and the phone was dropped to the bed, face down, “What-”

 

He picked it up again to see it automatically paused and clicked on it again, “Holy- No fucking way.”

 

The video was clear, no doubt it was Harry there right at the center of what looks to be his bed. What the hell was he, wait fuck.

 

“He took off his clothes.” Well no shit. Louis was staring right down at his phone, jaw dropped, “What the hell- was this what Harry’s been doing? Wait what- fuck he’s naked.”

 

Louis was watching his close friend, strip. He was watching Harry Styles, the same lad he watched get made fun of to making stupid jokes about Louis’ tattoos was right in his phone naked. Naked.

 

“He’s naked-” Louis choked once more when he continued to watch, completely shocked when he saw Harry stretch over the bed to reach for something and, “Oh no.”

 

Was that a dildo? He thought, “I never saw green dildos like- wait.”

 

He paused the video immediately and his cheek flushed to see Harry’s wrecked, naked body and facial expression with a-

 

“That’s a fucking CUCUMBER?!”

 

❤️

 

_Next Morning…_

 

Life was great. Period.

 

Harry had the best orgasm of his life after months, years, who knows, but he was alive. He no longer felt cranky, watched some stupid sitcoms about romance late at night, and even said hi to people.

 

He felt perfect. It’s like, strange to know that something weird as that could turn his life over in just seconds, but then again Harry was desperate and in need for a good nudge. He was on his way to class with a smile on his face and didn't even notice the jocks mocks or wolf whistles.

 

If he felt this great after one run, who knows what would happen if he does it again. Christ, it sent shivers over his spine.

 

He was seated now, ready to start his classes and smiled when he saw Louis come in.

 

“Hey, good morning, Lou!” Harry said cheerily.

 

 _Since when did he get all smiley._ Louis thought, a bit side eyed when he made his way right next to Harry’s seat.

 

_I can't believe I watched my best friend get off to a cucumber. Holy fucking-_

 

“Louis?!”

 

“Huh, what.” Louis looked back up to see the smiling white thing, “What?!”

 

“I said good morning.” Harry pouted, “You didn't say it back. Are you mad at me cause I was cranky yesterday?”

 

_Christ did he suck that cucumber off too- Louis what the fuck are you saying shut the fuck up._

 

“No, no I'm not mad-” Louis coughed, “I just, I’m-” he looked at Harry who stared at him back, “Good morning.”

 

“That's such an awkward good morning, Louis. You sure you okay?” Harry asked and reached to touch Louis’ shoulder.

 

_Oh no. No. No. Those same hands were on a cucumber. No. No. Oh fuck, but it was hot. Wait what. No. Oh my god._

 

“Louis?” Harry called out again, “Louis, you're spacing out again.”

 

“Oh. Oh. Fuck. I-” he sniffles and gently pushed Harry’s hand away, “I stayed up watching videos-”

 

_Videos of you fucking yourself with a vegetable._

 

“Of our English lecture and it took a number on me.” Louis deadpanned.

 

“See, this is why it's better if you just pay attention. How about this, you come over today and we can like go over everything with each other. I want to help out.”

 

Louis smiled at that though, the poor boy had no idea he’d sent a porno of himself over email, “Okay, sure. What's with the happy mood all of a sudden, I swear you were always grumpy.”

 

“Hm.” Harry giggled at that and pulled forward to see the professor make an entrance, “You could say... I finally found my happy button?”

 

Unfortunately, Louis knew exactly what Harry meant.

 

❤️

 

Okay, okay maybe something was wrong with Louis. Absolutely wrong.

 

It’s been a few hours since Louis played the video while he was curled into the depths of his blankets, cringing because he was turned on and disgusted that a fucking vegetable had Harry whimpering like a mad bitch.

 

Now, it was lunch break and he was in the far, far hall that had bathrooms where people barely went to. Inside he sat in the biggest and farthest stall there was from the entrance, one hand on cock and the other replaying the video again and again and-

 

Louis was fucking fucked.

 

❤️

 

Harry had made sure to organize his dorm or flat, whatever it was that helped keep his ass in school, so that Louis was here with no risk of being judged. It was a thing Harry was used to, maybe because Louis was that popular guy and even though he was his best friend, there’s this weird tug inside Harry’s chest that it’s important he fills some of the other’s expectations. He couldn’t help it.

 

Everything, though, was perfectly fine. Harry felt relaxed and satisfied plus he was in the mood to make lunch for Louis and himself, he was just that relieved. Louis was bound to come over in just a few minutes so with a few personal business issues settled, Harry was off to the little kitchen he has to make some sandwiches for the both of them.

 

Louis was on his way down and if he had to be honest, he was nervous. There were no doubts on his mind that he’d end up doing something stupid and crack a joke that would trigger an awkward tension between them or, even worse, he spills that he watched Harry get off to a cucumber, Louis was already second hand embarrassed that Harry had even done that, he could only imagine what Harry would feel if he’d found out his best friend watched him and then the next day jacked off to it. Oh fuck, it would be absolute chaos.

 

Well, he was here now and stood in front of Harry’s door and was he supposed to knock?

 

 _Fuck what if he’s doing it right now._ Louis needs to fucking stop, _Damn it Tomlinson, you need to relax._

 

“Okay? Okay.” Louis breathed in and allowed it to drag out as he knocked in the door. Fortunately, Harry’s a very attentive student so of course Louis just needed to bring himself and his ears because that boy probably had an entire rack of the books they he needed. With that, he knocked on the door and before he could even release another lung of breaths Harry barged the door open and smiled.

 

“Hey Lou!” Harry smiled, “You didn't bring your books?”

 

“I’m studying with Harry Styles.” Louis reminded him.

 

The other only rolled his eyes as he moved out of the way where Louis followed behind, “God, Louis, but then again you're right. I’m making lunch for us right now, so you can go my room to get the books and bring them to the table here so we can eat and review, okay?”

 

“Yeah, I guess. I’ll go get the books just wait.” Louis advised and went on ahead to Harry’s room while the other hummed and pulled out ingredients for whatever he was going to make.

 

 _Oh wait._ Louis swallowed a groan as he stepped into Harry’s room and instantly received flashbacks of the video he had watched yesterday and his insides were burning. He looked around, everything was neat, clean, and innocent, but what happened in that video was-

 

“Louis? Did you get lost in there?” Harry’s voice ranged through and Louis immediately began to to search for the books.

 

“Oh, oh yeah! Yeah I got it.” He called back and grabbed all the books, then headed out, “I got them! Yay, let's study. I am definitely excited.”

 

He slammed them onto the table and sat down with chin on the palm of his hand when Harry spoke, “Quit whining, Louis. At least you're studying with me.”

 

 _I could do much more than just study with you._ Louis, what the fuck was that.

 

“What are you making?” Asked Louis.

 

“Sandwiches! I went to the supermarket when I was free and got a lot of stuff and I happen to make really good sandwiches.” Harry cheered, “I hope you’ll like ‘em.”

 

 _Man._ Louis thought, _He fucks himself with a damn vegetable and now he’s the happiest thing on earth. Honestly, who the fuck am I friends with._

 

Louis hummed in response and went beside Harry to grab a jug that consisted of water to drink, he poured it into a glass then proceeded to drink. He felt really thirsty all of a sudden and it's not the kind you think it is, okay maybe.

 

Harry smiled, “Almost done. Let me just grab a cucumber- Louis?!”

 

Harry stopped and his eyes were wide when a sudden cough boomed through the kitchen. He looked to see Louis who sputtered and choked on the water he had failed to swallow, which was now spilt all over Louis and the floor.

 

“F-Fuck.” Louis choked out and cried a little to the burn while dabbing at his lips to end the run of water from his mouth.

 

“What the fuck was that?” Harry asked, panicked, “Are you okay? Holy shit.”

 

 _No I’m not fucking okay._ “Harry, I’m fine. Just got it going down the wrong hole.” _Just like how Harry put that cucumber up the wrong-_

 

“Louis! Shit-” Harry freaked as Louis began to hack out strong coughs again, “are you okay-”

 

“I don't want cucumbers. Harry-” Louis mumbled, “Just- can we study?”

 

“You don't like cucumbers? Louis, they make the sandwich even better and it's healthy. Stop being fat all the time.”

 

“Harry no-” _oh no._

 

Louis watched Harry, who ignored him, go to the fridge and pulled out the biggest set of cucumbers he’s ever seen.

 

 _Oh lord have mercy on me_. Louis prayed in his heart because mother fucking shit fuck he could see that video playing in his head all over again and again.

 

“I spent a good amount of time to look for the biggest, hardest, and thickest cucumbers from the supermarket,” Harry stressed and moved out of the fridge with a each hand holding the obscene vegetable, “aren’t they wonderful?”

 

Louis stared at Harry’s hands and his nimble fingers that were tight around the vegetable, “Harry I-”

 

“Louis, I swear you’re not going to die from eating cucumbers. Christ,” laughed Harry. He was already starting to cut up the slices all while Louis watched, “You look like you’ve seen something traumatizing-”

 

“Harry, I don’t know if you know this, but-” _Louis what the fuck are you,_ “you sent a video of yourself with the English lectures.”

 

As soon as Louis had said that the sound of chopping vegetables stopped and all was silent, but for their breathing.

 

“What- What are you talking about?” Harry snorted, “A video of me? Doing what-” He looked back at Louis with a smile who was staring at Harry’s hands on the cucumber, “Oh.”

 

Louis watched a multiple shade of colors take over Harry’s face, from confusion, to shock, to surprise, to realization, to shock, to self loathing, to red cheeks infused with anger and humiliation, well fuck Louis, “Harry, Harry fuck I’m sorry I know you sent it by mistake and-”

 

However, he gasped when he was pushed to the side and hit his hip against the countertop, Harry had ran off and before Louis could call him back he turned to see Harry’s bedroom door slam shut.

 

_Well great._

 

♥

 

“Harry, Haz? Come on. I’m sorry. I’ll eat the cucumbers with the sandwich and forget anything happened. Harry?”

 

It’s already been around fifteen minutes since Louis choked on a glass of water and admitted to Harry he had seen his video of, yeah. God, curse him and his stupid mouth. Harry was stuck behind the locked door curled up into himself in a wad of shame because his best friend had seen him getting off to a-

 

“Harry? I thought we were going to study, come on.” Louis whined, jangling his hand against the doorknob, “Harry, please. Open the door. If it makes you feel any better, I thought it was hot?”

 _Honestly, Louis, shut the fuck up._ thought Louis, “Harry, love, open the door we all have our… interesting kinks. I respect that.”

 

For a couple more minutes Louis waited there, standing when Harry finally opened to peek out shyly and stare at the other lad, “Louis?”

 

Immediately, Louis’ lips went into autopilot to throw and spit apologies, “Harry, finally, mate forget I said anything okay? It was just a video and I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did and-”

 

“You think it was hot?”

 

Louis chuckled, “W-What?”

 

Harry allowed the door to be completely pushed open and he glanced back at Louis with crossed arms now, “You said that it was hot. Do you really?”

 

Okay, okay so Louis slipped that shit out just so Harry could open the door, but then again it wasn’t much of a lie so, “Uh, yeah. Yeah I really did.”

 

“And I thought it was weird enough to have a vegetable up my ass!” then in seconds Louis watched Harry who began to break out a high pitched laugh, who slapped a hand over it to hold it in, “Louis, please don’t- don’t lie about that it’s okay I know it’s weird and shit.”

 

“Harry, Harry no,” Louis placed hands over Harry’s shoulder, squeezed them reassuringly, “Harry, love, it’s not weird I mean, I did see something that’s going to be in my head for who knows how long, but if you like sticking interesting things somewhere to get yourself off that’s perfectly fine. I mean, I haven’t seen you so cheery like this in months and if this is what the results are, I shouldn’t be so, so creeped out or say anything offhand about it. Just next time, check what you’re sending me. Alright? You doing a bit better?”

 

Harry nodded, but he kept his voice low, “O-Okay.”

 

“You good?” Louis asked once more.

 

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.”

 

♥

 

“I could have sworn that we were supposed to be studying English, Harry.”

 

“It’s your fucking fault for bringing up the video, now get on with it.”

 

//

 

Okay, okay Louis honestly had no idea how everything just summed up to what they were doing now and it was starting to make him sweat in so many unknown places, he’s sure to freak out.

The minute they had settled the awkward situation, both Harry and Louis were set and ready to study or at least do something to get the whole vegetable mess out of their heads, but then (Louis had no idea who started it) they were in the kitchen putting their plates and trash away when all of a sudden their lips met and hands were going everywhere.

 

Neither did Louis or Harry take account to who started the make out session, but their lips were on each other fast. Harry barely kept their plates inside the sink before he was tugged away from their and happily sighed into Louis’ mouth. Their tongues worked an incredibly, hasty pace as their bodies crashed and smashed onto the cabinets beside them throughout the kitchen.

 

They pulled away for a bit after the need to breathe became desperate and Louis had Harry pushed up against a wall beside the kitchen entrance and Harry was the first to break their silence, “W-What the fuck was that.”

 

“I-I don’t know, but-” Louis didn’t finish his sentence as he dove in for another mouthful of Harry’s lips and tongue, “but that was hot I mean like-”

Harry moaned brokenly and his face scrunched up into a pleasurable, weak look of want. His hands tightened over Louis’ that held onto his face as they made out harder for a couple more minutes.

 

“I-I wasn’t lying when I said,” Louis gulped down and looked at the other boy who looked frail, pink, and soft to the small touches Louis gave him. Damn, he really was deprived of a good time. “When I said your video was hot, I wasn’t joking or saying that to make you feel better, I was serious.”

 

Silence.

 

Harry stared at him and Louis may have felt a bit knocked off his feet by it, but before he could take anything back Harry spoke up with a smile, “Really?”

 

“U-Uh, yeah. I mean, taking a vegetable like that, that’s hardcore stuff.”

 

Harry cackled, “Hardcore? God you make everything sound like some bloody battlefield shit. It was just a cucumber up my ass, I got sick of fingers and you can’t really keep a dildo anywhere when your campus checks on your shit weekly. So, it struck me that a cucumber might just work.”

 

“You’re so fucking weird.” Louis broke out, “I mean I know you’re pro-veggies all the time and into staying healthy, I didn’t think you’d take it that far-” He stopped as soon as he heard a huff of annoyance leave Harry’s mouth, “I’m just kidding! Just kidding, Harry.”

 

“I’d feel a tad ashamed, not that I wasn’t already, but Lou, fuck, I know it sounds weird, but it felt really, really fucking good.” Harry’s voice began to droop as his eyes fell shut and jaw dropped, “Like, I can’t even describe it. It’s like this feeling of being full and humiliated by what’s making me full all blended in together just getting pumped into me, literally, and it felt- it was incredible.”

 

“So you enjoyed having your ass get shredded by a vegetable.” It wasn’t even a question, Louis was dead serious with a statement.

 

Harry shrugged, “You just have no idea of how well it worked for me. I mean, like the best part started yesterday after you called me. Before that I was just, you know, testing it a bit.”

 

“You’re making it sound like you had one plugged up your ass for decades.”

 

“You know what I mean, Louis.” Harry pulled away a bit and took Louis’ hands to have them follow his lead, leading them to grapple his pert bum, automatically Louis’ fingers curled over and cause Harry to emit a little hiss of pleasure, “Like, like I was at the store and angry and everything and then I was, I got the cucumbers and fuck the moment it was inside I felt like I finally got touched in place I never thought I’d ever reach-”

 

“Jesus Harry.”

 

“It was cold and bumpy and _thick._ Louis, fuck, it was _thick_ and _hard_ -”

 

Louis sighed and he could feel his jeans getting tighter for the love of God, “Harry-”

 

“The moment I felt it inside I felt so opened and full and, _fuck_ , it was cold, so cold that I felt my insides burning and fuck, but Louis. Louis could you please do me a favor. I beg you.” Harry whispered against Louis’ lips with little pleas as Louis asked, “What is it?”

 

“Please, just, fuck me with a cucumber. _Please_.”

 

Yeah, not weird at all, Louis coughed awkwardly, “You- You want me to do- what?”

 

“Lou, Lou please. Please like, like it’s like getting to push buttons, but this time I’m the button and it’s so, so far inside of me and when I was doing it I reached it a couple times, but I got tired and it took so much energy I couldn’t get it all and- and Louis please just do this one thing for me.”

 

“You want me to fuck you with a vegetable.”

 

Harry grimaced, “Don’t make it sound like a bad thing. I just, I want to be pounded to the point where I forget to fucking breathe.”

 

“Why a cucumber, though?”

 

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled Louis along with him to drag his arm towards the breakfast table where their books were. He knocked them off without a care and sat over the top as he knocked Louis closer with the heels of Harry’s feet hitting the back of his knees, “Your dick will probably go soft after a couple minutes, cucumbers don’t. Unless I clench too hard, but that’s beside the point.”

 

“Are you saying I get soft easily?!”

 

Harry groaned, “For fuck’s sake.” His hand jerked at Louis’ T-shirt where he held him by the collar and stared right into his blue eyes, “Get the damn fucking cucumber from the fridge and _fuck_ me with it.”

 

♥

 

“ _Am_ I seriously lubing a cucumber?,” Louis asked himself, “I _am_ lubing a fucking cucumber.”

 

The clock ticked and Harry laid flat with bent knees over the eating table (rest in peace of the innocence of it) with the lower half of his body completely bare and exposed. Harry’s top was scrunched up and over his collarbones, but not completely off.

Harry couldn’t help, but giggle at the clothed man who was in between his legs holding the large cucumber at hand while lubing it. Safety first, Harry would say.

 

“I could have sworn that we were supposed to be studying English, Harry.”

 

“It’s your fucking fault for bringing up the video, making out with my face, and then mock me about vegetables, now get on with it.” Harry urged.

 

“This is bloody, fucking weird.” Louis groaned, “But so hot I hate you.” He blabbered on as one of his hands held Harry’s pale, soft ass cheek to spread it open while the other held the slippery cucumber. Honestly, how the fuck did Harry find the cucumber of this size? It was way longer than Louis’ hand and thick enough for Louis to give a proper wide grip.

 

“J-Just slide it- oh God yes, yes, _fuck yes_.” Harry whimpered out and his head was shot back and hands gripped to the edge of the table all while his legs automatically spread out farther for Louis’ pleasurable view, “Just- Just keep getting it in there- ah, oh. Oh God.”

 

Louis barely had the first inch sunk in, but it definitely had Harry squirming. He watched in awe to see how Harry’s ass swallowed in the vegetable, but struggled to clarify the cause and proper, soft clenches since the cucumber practically forces his entrance to stay open.

 

“A-A little more and- and I’ll get a bit adjusted.” Harry whimpered, “Then you better fucking drill it into me or I swear- _ah, ah, ah._ ” Louis blatantly ignored Harry’s pleas, requests, and what not just to watch and test how his body swallowed such a foreign object like this.

 

Louis nodded, silent and still in awe from how easy it was to manipulate Harry with a vegetable. The octaves of his voice started out a low rumble of a grown which immediately spiked to a yelp as Louis added a boost to his push. Harry’s hands gripped on the edge of the table and tried to regain himself.

 

“This is so weird.” Louis muttered, but he was surprised to see the reactions that fell from Harry’s face, “Like-”

 

“Oh for the love of God-” Harry gasped out when Louis pulled the cucumber out a bit and then shoved it in even harder, “Christ.”

 

“It’s Louis, but okay.” The other laughed and pulled the cucumber out once more, “It’s hard to put in like fuck, you’re so tight. Wait-”

 

Harry laid there, breathing hard, eyes rolled to the back of his head as Louis literally _played_ with him. Louis would twist the cucumber that had Harry jerk off the table, which was immediately disapproved as Louis pushed him right back down with his other hand.

 

“ _Ah, Ah, Ah, Oh, oh my God._ ” Harry cried out.

 

“What if I-” Louis twisted the cucumber a bit more inside and he could literally hear the fucking squeaks of it slipping against Harry’s ass walls, “Or-” He pulled it out once more and smirked to the constant sounds from Harry’s lips.

 

“Or- Ouch! What the hell did you just kick me?” exclaimed Louis.

 

“Stop fucking experimenting and just drill the damn vegetable into me, you fucking wanker.”

 

“Bossy now, eh?” Louis chuckled back, but did as he told. With the cucumber out and barely inside by the tip of its little stem. He stood there, waiting.

 

“Louis what the fuck are you waiting for- _oh well fuck me_.” Harry screamed out and neck shot back as Louis fucking slammed the damn thing right into Harry, which caused the boy to be pushed up by three centimeters on the table.

 

Louis laughed and was a bit weirded out, but watching the way Harry squirmed and twitched even harder than what he had seen on the video was starting to get to him. His jeans got two sizes smaller and he swore he’ll probably fucking explode.

 

“ _Oh, oh, oh, oh_.” Harry’s breaths were rough and Louis kept going in and out in such a horrendous pace, he slammed harder and harder and harder as the cucumber went deeper each time, “F-Fuck, you’re getting into places I’d thought I’d never get to. What the fuck- holy fuck.”

 

Louis remained silent, but focused and he could feel the cucumber become warm from all the pressure. He was focused, but most importantly, he searched for the spot inside of Harry. He twisted it and knows that at the tip there was a stubbed stem there, for sure would help with fucking the living hell out of Harry.

 

“T-To the l-left.” Harry spoke out. He clicked his tongue, curled his toes, and could feel himself drifted away from the moment, “Just, pound the fucker a bit to the- _oh, oh my God_. Yes, _fuck_ , yes!”

 

“Got it.” Louis muttered, more to himself, then started to thrust harder than he did before which had Harry crash against the table, fucking into the air as Louis held him down as hard as he could all while pressuring the damn cucumber into that one spot. The little stem at the tip increased the pleasure as it pressed into Harry’s spot then nearly punctured it every time it was pushed there.

 

Harry sobbed, “T-That feels so good. Ungh.”

 

Louis loved the reaction that left from Harry’s lips that he’d forgotten that he was currently pounding Harry with a cucumber until-

 

˗ˏˋ _snap_ ˎˊ˗

 

“Uh oh.”

 

Harry blinked and paused his constricted breathing to look back at Louis who stopped with eyes wide and bulged out of their sockets, “W-What happened?”

 

“Uh.” Louis swallowed and picked up his hand to show a broken half of the cucumber, “It kind of… broke?”

 

 _Awkward Silence_.

 

“I-It broke?” Harry asked, “Like-”

 

“It broke.” nodded Louis, “The other half is kind of, it’s still in there.”

 

“Oh? Okay.”

 

“Harry-”

 

“GET THE FUCKING THING OUT, _LOUIS_.” Louis lurched back in fear as Harry screamed, “Oh my fucking God, I asked you to fucking fuck me with it, not plant it in there!”

 

Oh my God, Harry was freaking out and Louis just stared at the boy who laid flat on the table screaming at Louis of how much of a fuck up he is, “Calm down! Just let me think-”

 

“How am I going to fucking _calm down_. You bloody bastard, you fucking stuck a cucumber up my ass and now it’s stuck in there!” Harry cried, “Get it out! Out! Out!”

 

“Okay, fuck wait.” Louis pressured and spread Harry’s legs apart even wider.

 

“I could feel it stuck in there.” Harry whined, “OH my God.”

 

“Go to the doctors?” Louis suggested.

 

“Are you fucking stupid. ‘Oh hey doc my best friend fucked me with a cucumber and it snapped in half can you please get it out?’ Yeah, I don’t fucking think so.”

 

“Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?” Louis muttered.

 

“Shove your damn hand in there and get it the fuck out.” Harry ordered, “Or I swear to God-”

 

“Okay, okay fuck. You want me to stick my hand in there?” Louis asked, “Like, my whole hand-”

 

“Did I bloody fucking stutter?” Harry gritted, “Get the damn vegetable out of my ass!”

 

“Okay! Okay, okay, okay.” Louis leaned in and looked at Harry’s spread entrance which was still wet from the condensed water off the cucumber and over usage of lube, “Okay so like, my hand. My hands needs to go in there.”

 

“Hurry the FUCK up.” Harry screamed and slapped his hand against the table to top.

 

“Okay.” Louis grimaced and allowed his fingers to take occupation inside Harry’s ass and he watched the boy nearly fall apart as each finger increased his entrance, “Y-You okay?”

 

“I-I’ll be okay once the damn fucking cucumber gets out of my ass.” Harry muttered.

 

Louis sunk his fingers in deeper, reached into him harder and gasped a bit as he felt the tip of his fingers brush against the snapped item, “There it is- wait.” With a new profound interest to get the task done he lurched his fingers in deeper to grab it which led to the result of Harry screaming, “Fuck, Harry are you okay?”

“You stuck a fucking cucumber up my ass and broke it and now you have your damn hand in there, yeah I-I’m _ah fuck_ perfectly fine.” said Harry with sarcasm stripped down from his lips.

 

Louis breathed, “I almost- there.” With an added force his fingertips grappled the cucumber. He ignored the immediate cry from Harry’s lips as he yanked it out and tossed it to the side, “THERE! Oh, oh fuck-”  
  
Harry cried out the last few moans he had on his tongue, spurting out his release all over himself and on Louis’ clothes, “S-Sorry.” He whispered as soon as he was done and saw Louis standing there in surprise. Like, after that, who wouldn’t spurt their living souls out anyway?

 

“No, uh.” Louis sighed once more and headed towards the kitchen, “How about we clean up.”

 

“My fucking ass hurts and I can’t move Louis.” Harry hissed as soon as he made the attempt to get off the table.

 

“Alright, I guess I’ll be cleaning up.”

 

♥

 

“You sure you okay?”

 

“Other than the fact that it feels like someone shoved their entire leg up my ass, I’m fine.” Harry replied.

 

After Louis threw away and cleared the mess, he’d helped Harry off the table to clean him up then get him back to some clothes, but it was hard for him to lift his legs without the muscles of his ass moving and burning, which left Harry in an oversized jumper and nothing else.

 

“Hm.” Louis nodded and sat beside Harry on his little couch to curl the boy into him, “Anyway, I cleaned up the mess and I guess we could study later.”

 

“Okay, it sucks it broke.” Harry muttered, “What a waste. I spent a good amount of money for those things.”

 

“They were up your ass, what the fuck were you going to do with them after that?” snorted Louis.

 

However, Harry was dead serious, “That doesn’t make them any less edible, Louis. The one I used yesterday didn’t broke so I used them in our sandwiches. Unlike you, you fucking snapped it in half.”

 

Wait what?

Oh no.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK, HARRY!?”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> leave me kudos and comment prompts. Amen.


End file.
